Choosing a therapist is a very important decision, and in situations where you are already emotionally overwhelmed, it can feel intimidating.
Many people worry about not choosing the right counselor, or not knowing what to look for.
In reality, therapy is not about finding the perfect therapist, but about choosing a qualified professional who makes you feel safe and understood, even when you’re not feeling your best.
Because this process can feel confusing at first, we created this guide to help you navigate what to do.
Once you feel comfortable beginning your search, you can find licensed counselors and therapists in the US using our counselor directory, and it’s easy to filter therapists based on their specialties, treatment methods, state, and more.
Contents
- Starting with why
- Assess therapists’ specialties
- Choose the right therapy approach
- Consider therapist titles and licensure
- Consider your personal preferences
- Decide between online and in-person therapy
- Read therapists’ profiles
- Reach out and ask questions
- Book a trial consultation
- How to tell if the fit is right (and when to consider a change)
- What if it doesn’t quite fit to begin with?
- How to help someone else find a therapist
Starting with why
Before searching for a therapist, it’s good to pause and reflect on what brought you here. You don’t need a specific diagnosis or any clinical knowledge, but just a general sense of how you are feeling right now.
You may be dealing with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, grief, trauma, burnout, or a major life change. Maybe you are feeling emotionally drained without being able to pinpoint exactly why, and that’s okay.
Sometimes the issue can’t be described by one specific symptom. Maybe things in your life are feeling heavier than they used to, or you are catching yourself being more irritable than usual.
When you first start searching for a therapist, it can be good to reflect on what you want to be different.
This could mean for example feeling less anxious, coping with grief, learning how to communicate more clearly, setting boundaries without guilt, or rebuilding confidence. In some cases, it can be helpful to choose one “primary” goal and one “secondary” concern, as this can give you direction without feeling restrictive.
Another helpful thing you could do is think about how these current concerns are affecting your life. Are they interfering with your work, relationships, sleep, or your sense of stability?
If something is affecting your day-to-day life and mental health, it is worth addressing. Therapy isn’t only for emergencies; it can also be used as a way of preventing things from getting worse, or building skills that will help you mitigate stress before it becomes unmanageable.
Assess therapists’ specialties
On their websites and directory profiles, most therapists list their area of specialty (an area they commonly work with), such as anxiety, trauma, and depression. These specialties can reflect that the therapist has undergone additional training in this area, or has extra clinical experience in helping with these issues.
If you are dealing with anxiety and panic symptoms, constant worry, or intrusive thoughts, you may want to look for somebody who specializes in anxiety disorders.
In case you are experiencing more of a low mood, emotional flatness, or daily life feeling harder than it used to, a therapist who specializes in depression might be a good fit.
If substance abuse is part of your concerns, looking for a therapist who specializes in addiction can be helpful in addressing both usage patterns and underlying triggers that allow the addiction cycle to continue.
At the same time, some therapists work with a wide range of different concerns, and these types of professionals can be a great fit if your situation feels more complex, and you aren’t sure which specialty you might choose.
Often, people don’t come to therapy with a clear concern in mind, because their symptoms often overlap. In this case, it may be easier to start therapy with a counselor who works with a broader range of concerns.
Choose the right therapy approach
Something else you can consider in order to narrow down your search is the type of treatment approach that the therapist uses.
The therapeutic approach is a framework that the therapist uses to guide the session and choose interventions to take. The approach often shapes what therapy looks like in practice (for example, open-ended versus structured, or focusing on the present instead of longer-term patterns).
Different therapy approaches also address different types of concerns. For example, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) often addresses symptoms of anxiety and depression effectively because it’s structured and skill-based.
If you are dealing with trauma or PTSD, trauma-informed therapy can be a good choice due to its emphasis on safety and pacing.
Some therapeutic approaches, such as Systemic Family Therapy, also focus on relationship dynamics, conflict, and attachment.
In case your concerns are primarily focused on long-term patterns such as self-esteem or repeating emotional themes, psychodynamic therapy can be a great choice in connecting present issues with earlier experiences.
It’s also worth knowing, some therapists blend multiple approaches, so it can be a good idea to ask the therapist how they will tailor their method to meet your specific concerns. This way, you can decide if the approach they’ll be using sounds like a good fit for you and the issues you’re looking for help with.
Consider therapist titles and licensure
One of the most important parts of choosing a therapist is making sure they are licensed to practice in your state, regardless of whether sessions are being held online or in-person.
Licensing ensures that the therapist has met educational requirements, completed supervised clinical training, and is following professional and ethical standards in providing care.
In the U.S., common licenses include LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor), LMHC (Licensed Mental Health Counselor), LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist), LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), and doctoral-level qualifications attained by psychologists (PsyD or PhD).
The therapist’s license type might help you understand a clinician’s training focus, and in some cases what additional services they might offer.
For example, if your main issue involves relationship conflict, or family stress, an LMFT might be a good fit because their training is rooted in family dynamics.
If you want a therapist who can also provide psychological testing or formal assessments such as diagnostic clarification, ADHD, or learning assessments, a doctoral-level psychologist (PsyD/PhD) is often the most relevant credential to look for.
If you are primarily seeking ongoing talk therapy for concerns like anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, or life transitions, clinicians with LPC/LMHC or LCSW licenses are commonly a good fit, especially if they have listed experience for your specific concern.
These different qualifications reflect varied educational paths, but many of these professionals provide similar forms of talk therapy. Profiles on our counselor directory clearly list licensure and states of practice, so you can confirm this before reaching out.
Consider your personal preferences
Along with all the different factors we just mentioned that can help narrow down your search, another very important aspect of choosing a therapist is personal preference.
Although you might think that preferences are superficial, they can be quite the opposite, as they play an important role in how comfortable you feel in therapy, thereby affecting the effectiveness of the process.
Therapy works best if you feel safe enough to be open. For example, this might mean having a therapist of a certain gender, cultural background, age range, or religious group.
You may also feel safer with somebody who has experience with LGBTQ+ issues, family dynamics, or faith-related questions.
Sometimes these preferences are just about having someone with a similar lived experience as you, to make it easier to open up. For example, some women feel more comfortable discussing certain issues with other women, or men with another man.
Finding a therapist with shared values and experiences doesn’t guarantee a perfect fit, but it can definitely increase chances of feeling understood, supported, and respected from the start.
Decide between online and in-person therapy
In today’s digital age, many therapists offer online therapy as well as in-person counseling – they will specify this on their website or directory listing.
Neither option is automatically better – this is another area where your personal preferences are the most important thing.
Online therapy is a great choice if you want more flexibility, have a tight schedule, don’t have a car, or just feel more comfortable opening up from your own space.
Due to its flexibility, online counseling is helpful in staying consistent with therapy, which is an important part of the counseling process as a whole.
On the other hand, in-person therapy can feel more grounding, especially if you are more focused when away from home, or if it would feel more comfortable to meet in a dedicated space.
Meeting a counselor in person can also allow them to better read your facial expressions and body language, which can be helpful during the treatment process.
Read therapists’ profiles
Once you have narrowed down your search, reading through different therapists’ directory profiles and websites helps you get a better feel for each counselor’s personality and therapy style.
A profile isn’t just a summary of qualifications, but also offers a first sense of how a therapist communicates with and relates to people. A good profile doesn’t list only qualifications and experience, but also gives you a sense of how a therapist works, their values, what a session might look like, and how they support their clients (such as what issues they help with).
As you read therapists’ profiles on our directory or go through their websites, pay attention to how their wording feels to you. Are they speaking your language, and do you think you would connect with them when talking?
If what they’re saying is too rigid, impersonal, or confusing, it might be hard to connect with them during sessions.
Reach out and ask questions
Reaching out to a therapist for the first time can feel nerve-wracking, especially if you are unsure of what to say.
You don’t need to try and fit all your concerns into one message; instead, a short email focused on a few practical questions can be enough, and you can always follow up with any more you might have.
Here are some practical questions you might like to ask a therapist, if you’re not sure what to say:
- Do you offer a free initial consultation, and what does it involve?
- What are your fees, and do you accept insurance or offer sliding-scale options?
- What is your rescheduling or cancellation policy?
- What should I expect from our sessions?
If you are still having difficulty coming up with that first message, you can begin by introducing yourself, talking about the issues you want to resolve, and asking the counselor about what you’re most interested in learning about the therapy process.
Keep in mind that it’s common to reach out and not hear back at first, or to find out that multiple therapists are fully booked. This happens a lot, so don’t feel discouraged.
If availability is tight, you can widen your search parameters a bit (online/in-person or different specialties), or you can consider community clinics, which also offer lower-cost services.
Book a trial consultation
Some therapists offer a free initial consultation in order to help you assess whether it’s a good fit, and discuss availability, fees, and the treatment process.
This may involve a phone call, or ideally, you’ll meet in person for a short 15-20 minute session.
If a therapist doesn’t offer a free consultation, this is not necessarily a bad sign, since some therapists have limited availability. However, a trial session can be good to look for if you’re unsure about the process of getting started.
How to tell if the fit is right (and when to consider a change)
Knowing that a therapist is the right fit usually doesn’t come with a dramatic “this is it” feeling.
More often, it shows up quietly over time in instances where you feel understood, heard, and validated. A good fit also makes honesty easier, not only when you are sharing personal information, but when you are sharing feedback as well.
When you feel comfortable with your therapist, you will be able to share your opinion without feeling pressured. For example, letting your therapist know that you are not ready to discuss particular topics, that something rubbed you the wrong way in the session, or simply wanting to slow down the pace.
On the other hand, you should consider switching therapists if you feel constantly dismissed, talked over, or pushed to disclose more than what you feel comfortable sharing.
Boundaries are a very important part of therapy, for both the therapist and the client, and if you feel your therapist is overstepping them, it’s okay to search for somebody else.
Even when there isn’t an obvious problem and the therapist seems professional and kind, it can still feel like it’s not the right fit. Differences in communication, worldview, culture, or approach can lead to the feeling of being misunderstood.
In these situations, it’s still okay to consider switching. Therapy is your process, and your own needs and preferences should be the most important thing.
What if it doesn’t quite fit to begin with?
When you go through the first session (or free consultation), and you think that the therapist might be a good fit, but you are still having second thoughts, it can help to give it a few sessions in order to see how the relationship develops.
A bit of discomfort is normal in the beginning, especially if it’s your first time going to therapy.
Opening up and discussing difficulties in your life can make you feel vulnerable, and sometimes the first few sessions can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted or irritable. These feelings are normal as trust builds gradually.
Finding somebody you can be comfortable and open with is a very strong start, but the effects of therapy are rarely visible in an instant. Progress usually comes through consistency, time, and work that you and the therapist do together.
How to help someone else find a therapist
If you are looking for a therapist for someone else, most of the practical criteria we discussed still apply. What tends to be different is the emotional side of the process.
Searching on behalf of a partner, child, family member, or friend often requires more patience, especially if they are still unsure about therapy or aren’t ready to fully engage yet.
You can still take on some of the practical steps, such as shortlisting licensed therapists in their state (which you can do through our directory), checking availability, and helping draft the first outreach message.
If you know their situation well, and they are comfortable with it, you can reach out to multiple therapists at once, since waitlists are common. Or, you might just like to create a shortlist, and help your friend or loved one begin reaching out to therapists they think they might connect with.
Apart from helping with the search, just as important though is the emotional support you provide along the way. You can sit with the person you’re helping while they search and offer them support, understanding, and reassurance as they take those difficult first few steps.
